September 23, 2025 |
Dealing with gossip |
| Page 277 |
| "In accordance with the principles of recovery, we try not to judge, stereotype, or moralize with each other." |
| Basic Text, p. 11 |
| Let's face it: In Narcotics Anonymous, we live in a glass house of sorts. Our fellow members know more about our personal lives than anyone has ever known before. They know who we spend our time with, where we work, what step we're on, how many children we have, and so forth. And what our fellow members don't know, they will probably imagine. We may be unhappy when others gossip about us. But if we withdraw from the fellowship and isolate ourselves to avoid gossip, we also rob ourselves of the love, friendship, and unparalleled experience with recovery that our fellow members have to offer. A better way to deal with gossip is to simply accept the way things are and the way we are, and live our lives according to principles. The more secure we become with our personal program, the decisions we make, and the guidance we receive from a loving God, the less the opinions of others will concern us. |
| Just for Today: I am committed to being involved in the NA Fellowship. The opinions of others will not affect my commitment to recovery. |
"NA service taught me how to be a responsible, productive member of this society first," a member shared. "Doing service gave me skills and knowledge that help me navigate the world outside of NA, too. I think of these as 'the hidden curriculum' in NA service." From that perspective, we might consider accountability to be one of the subjects we study.
Lessons on accountability begin in our first home group's business meetings and continue as we serve in various roles. One of the first things we learn is that the order of operations is different in NA. We had previous experience with the kind of accountability that comes after we screwed up. In NA, we often focus on setting each other up for success. To avoid missteps, we try to define tasks and spell out expectations up front, and then strive for transparency, communication, and support as we follow through. Having safeguards in place, especially when money or ego might be involved, can help protect our trusted servants and NA.
We check our worst impulses in advance and limit openings for errors in judgment. The treasurer who asks another member to confirm the Seventh Tradition count avoids temptation. The subcommittee chair who keeps the service body informed and regularly seeks direction is less likely to go rogue or be micromanaged.
This kind of preemptive accountability has applications in our personal lives, too. Managing medication after surgery involves a relay between multiple members of a support group in many NA communities; transparency about pill counts protects everyone involved. We can even see accountability's relevance in one member's strategy for staying out of the sack on a first date: "I meet them for coffee while the sun's still up and wear my shabbiest pair of underwear." Little reminders can help us live up to whatever standards we set for ourselves.