March 24, 2025 |
Letting go of the past |
| Page 86 |
| "It is not where we were that counts, but where we are going." |
| Basic Text, p. 23 |
| When we first find recovery, some of us feel shame or despair at calling ourselves "addicts." In the early days, we may be filled with both fear and hope as we struggle to find new meaning in our lives. The past may seem inescapable and overpowering. It may be hard to think of ourselves in any way other than the way we always have. While memories of the past can serve as reminders of what's waiting for us if we use again, they can also keep us stuck in a nightmare of shame and fear. Though it may be difficult to let go of those memories, each day in recovery can bring us that much farther away from our active addiction. Each day, we can find more to look forward to and less to punish ourselves for. In recovery, all doors are open to us. We have many choices. Our new life is rich and full of promise. While we cannot forget the past, we don't have to live in it. We can move on. |
| Just for Today: I will pack my bags and move out of my past into a present filled with hope. |
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A lot of us have spent plenty of energy denying reality. We disconnected from our true feelings, avoided making decisions, and took actions that served our egos more than the truth. Many of us overvalued our own opinions--accepted them as irrefutable facts--and devalued others' perspectives that didn't match ours. Or the opposite was true: Opinions? Principles? We had none. Yours were fine.
We have our work cut out for us in recovery. We practice discernment as we make decisions and discern the motives behind our choices. Are we trying to stand up for principles, do what's easy, or defend the way we've always done it? The context might make any or all of these the right choice. The quotation above begins with "we learn," a reflection of our growth through practicing discernment. The learning comes from lived experience, meaning that we've caused or undergone pain, examined our mistakes, and figured something out--usually after many times through this cycle.
Sometimes we're led by a gut feeling. We talk it over with our sponsor or others. We pray, meditate, and write about it. We read sections of NA literature seeking guidance. We do our best to evaluate how well a decision will positively affect our lives and those we love. Sometimes we just know what we know, without a doubt, because of a similar past experience. But all that searching and discerning is not a guarantee. We can do everything possible to make sure that we are standing on principles instead of opinions or ceremony--and still screw it up.
Discernment is exercising good judgment based on past experience and on guidance from each other--but we mostly find out how we did when looking back. All we can do is take action with good intention and let the cards fall where they may. The result isn't ours to determine. Some stuff we just have to leave to our Higher Power.